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Book I am working on
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Author:  vityaz [ Fri May 04, 2012 6:25 am ]
Post subject:  Book I am working on

Since becoming unemployed I started writing a book, not in the expectation of making a fortune, but more for something to keep me occupied. Its about when I used to work in parking enforcement in England. Some of it funny, some of it not so. I'm planning that I may post a few excerpts up here starting today, and if anybody is interested in buying a copy when its finished let me know. I'm aiming to show the wide range of behaviour we saw on a daily basis.

If anybody is reading this and holds a blue badge, the best advice I will give you is that if you ever come back to your car and find a parking ticket on it, for god’s sake query it! Don’t just assume it’s a wrong ticket because you have a blue badge. This was the mistake made by the owner of a turquoise Ford mondeo that used to park down a town Centre side street with a blue badge on display. I don’t know if the owner had failed to read the guidebook, or what, but we used to find this car every day of the week with the time clock expired and ticket it. Then the next day we would find it again, and the previous days PCN would be stuck in the fence next to it. After several PCN’s had been unpaid the vehicle was registered as a persistent evader, and one day it was wheel clamped. The owner then telephoned demanding the wheel clamp be removed. When the SPA went out to take the wheel clamp off he explained to the owner that the vehicle had about 30 outstanding PCN’s which was why it had been wheel clamped. The owner said ‘Oh yes, I keep pulling parking tickets off and throwing them away. They can’t be valid parking fines because I’ve had my blue badge on display every time.’

Franco slapped a ticket on a car outside the mosque. As I took his photos the driver returned. ‘Sorry sir, sorry. I was inside the mosque praying.’ He said. ‘Not praying hard enough.’ Franco said to me later.

Author:  GabrielMK3 [ Fri May 04, 2012 12:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

I hope you're doing ok since the company was shut down...

I must say I like what you've written so for, haha. I went on laughing for a while after reading what your companion say. lol

Good luck further on with the book, maybe you actually become rich. Why not?

Author:  vityaz [ Sat May 05, 2012 5:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

Well not easy going from having something to do all day to having nothing to be honest! Heres another excerpt:-

One day I was outside the magistrate’s court and found two cars in the disabled bay. One was a police car and the other one wasn’t. I ticketed the non-police car and the driver returned after I had done so. At the same time the police officer was returning to his car. ‘Have you ticketed the police car as well then?’ He asked. ‘No sir, the police car has an exemption.’ I replied. ‘That’s not very fair!’ he shouted. ‘Who said life was fair sir?’ I replied as he got back into his car. The police officer came over to me laughing. ‘I’ve got some application forms in the car, do you want one? You’ve already got the right attitude for the job.’ He said.

Author:  GabrielMK3 [ Sat May 05, 2012 7:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

I totally agree on what you say. I had some times where I got involved into working, that was a nice time period.

Hahaha, I find it interesting that you can say such to people over there. If anyone had say this to at least what the would be over half the people over here, it'd end in a big fight. But police was close by... Did you take any application forms then?

Author:  vityaz [ Sat May 05, 2012 9:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

GabrielMK3 wrote:
I totally agree on what you say. I had some times where I got involved into working, that was a nice time period.

Hahaha, I find it interesting that you can say such to people over there. If anyone had say this to at least what the would be over half the people over here, it'd end in a big fight. But police was close by... Did you take any application forms then?


No, I have a bit of a blotted ledger with the police over here so I dont think I would get in. As for saying things like that to people, it wasn't always advisable!

Author:  vityaz [ Thu May 10, 2012 10:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

Heres another couple of excerpts. I've almost finished it now, only a few more chapters:-

One day I had stopped for petrol at a shell garage on a main road just outside our council boundary on the North side of our (technical) city. I’d also nipped in to the garages loo while I had the chance. As I came out a noticed a man with a 4 x 4 parked directly in front of my scooter. As I got closer I nodded to him. ‘What you fucking nodding at me for? Come and move your fucking bike you dick!’ He shouted. I figured he probably wanted to use the LPG pump. I decided he could wait. If he had just said ‘Please can you move your bike.’ I would have done but I decided his lack of basic courtesy needed to be pointed out. Whenever I used a vehicle I had to fill in a check sheet with mileage etc. Whenever I filled up with fuel I also had to record the mileage at the time of fill up as well as a few other details. Normally I just clipped the receipt to my clipboard and filled in the sheet at the end of the day when I got back to the office, but I started filling it in now. ‘Oi! Dickhead! I’m talking to you! Move your fucking bike now!’ He shouted. I ignored him. He reached the LPG nozzle pump and ended up stretching out and filling up his vehicle the awkward way. ‘Oh I know what it is you’re one of those fuck wits who doesn’t do what he’s told by his betters.’ He sneered. ‘No sir, I’m not a fuckwit, and nor are you my better. If you had asked me politely I would have moved the bike and been away. Because you were abusive and rude I will take as long as I like.’ I replied.

The funniest encounter with a street lawyer was one of those people who ‘know my rights!’ now I am all in favor of people knowing their rights and exercising them as often as possible. A right given up is a right lost after all. But there are times when maybe sticking to your rights isn’t the best course of action. One day I found a car on a loading and waiting restriction outside a row of houses. I noticed a man stood smoking in the garden of the house the car was parked outside. ‘Is this your vehicle sir?’ I asked him. ‘I’m saying nothing, I know my rights and I am staying silent.’ He said, stubbing out his cigarette and going indoors. I duly ticketed the car. As I was photographing the car the man came back out of the house ‘what you fucking done that for? I was only in the house getting something I was coming to move it now!’ He shouted. I was tempted to tell him I knew my rights and I was staying silent. ‘Well sir I would have asked you to move it only when I asked if it was yours you went all silent on me.’ I replied. ‘There was no need to do that! Surely you knew it was mine!’ he shouted. ‘I did ask sir.’ I replied.

One day I was checking a car park outside a main police station when a man came up to me with a ticket in his hand. ‘You’ve just given me this at the lights at ********* and it’s out of order I was only parked there for two fucking minutes! You’re all a load of fucking tossers and you should all go and get fucking proper jobs!’ He stormed. ‘I haven’t been that far up the road yet sir, let us have a look at the ticket and I’ll see if I can help.’ I said. The man proffered his ticket to me and I realized it was a police fixed penalty notice. ‘Sir that ticket was given to you by the police. If you’ve got a query with it, there’s the police station.’ I said pointing to the station ‘Now take it in there and I dare you to tell them they’re all a load of fucking tossers who should go and get proper jobs.’ I added.

Author:  GabrielMK3 [ Thu May 10, 2012 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

Haha, you keep cracking me up!

How much have you written so far?

Found any publishers interested?

Author:  vityaz [ Fri May 11, 2012 4:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

Ive just finished chapter 27, I'v about two more chapters to go. To be honest, I havent really contacted any publishers, I think when the time comes I'll probably just publish it at home!

Author:  GabrielMK3 [ Fri May 11, 2012 5:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

I see.

It sounds pretty interesting though... A book like this would be publishable, but I see what you mean.
But if I can help with anything, just ask! Very Happy

Author:  vityaz [ Sat May 12, 2012 5:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Book I am working on

GabrielMK3 wrote:
I see.

It sounds pretty interesting though... A book like this would be publishable, but I see what you mean.
But if I can help with anything, just ask! Very Happy


Thanks man, appreciate it!

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